Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/rhod rhod_20131102-1709a.mp3

Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm back in Cardiff, in the studio, with Mr. Chris Corcoran.  

"Dear Rhod, " ... uh, this is actually a letter. / Wow. / Yeah. / Hand-written? / all ___ ... No. / Uh. / Word-processed. / so / an email / but it's written like a letter / well / letter / how / from a normal email? / well / postman comes along / emails, in my experience. / I see / letterbox / see / nice / loyal / some would argue / going back in time a bit. / But everyone likes a letter, don't they? / what's the difference / real letter / I get it now / even know the difference / any / what's the difference / everyone likes a letter / was an email / you made a mistake / but / I know the difference / explain / explained it to you / postman thing / I feel / head bout / simple ... I can do a simple rhyme if you want to / no. I get it now. / OK. / I'm glad / you / make me do that / hammer the point / improvise a rhyme about being able to tell if it's a letter 'cause there's a postman involved / do you wanna enjoy it / do you wanna / moment / do you wanna / I'm not very good at improvising songs / "Dear Rhod, " / look / is a letter / I can see / now / folded / folded in three, right? Uh, also it's got my address up at the top left-hand side / BBC Radio Wales Broadcasting House / this is our radio presenter / have to do / before / texts and emails and everything / I know / you can contact us at Broadcasting House / Cardiff / you used to answer / postcard, didn't / yeah, yeah / what's the difference / postcard and letter again / nothing. no difference at all / postcards are the same as emails / "Dear Rhod, " / can't really bother to read this now / Wow / should have been an email / it might have been simpler / the show, Andy / "Andy" ... it's a great sir name, Andy C___ / Yeah / almost / so many ways / any. / Yeah. / Innit? Andy C___ / I bet he had an interesting school life. / I / he did. P.S., my wife's name is Sue" Sue C__ / Dear Rhod / I think / enough of that, don't you? __ us some music

"Dear Rhod" / we / far, didn't we? / Yeah. So far, so good. / Comma. / you don't read punctuation, mate. / don't / email / get any / letter / nice change / indulge. I am writing to see if you ... / apostrophe / "I" and "m" / No, "I am" / Huh? / "I am", it says / what did I say? / said "I'm" / did I? / yeah / save __ time / I am writing to see if you could help me out. In July this year, my wife ..." who we already know is called Sue C___, "... in July this year, my wife and I went on holiday to St. David's, and had a wonderful time. Whilst there, we decided to sample the local radio, and listened to your show. Refreshing, in a very ___ way. Since I returned, my wife __ become somewhat of a fan, downloading your podcast and making me listen to parts she considers is funny. Huh. ... I must admit you are significantly more entertaining than the Radio Bristol she normally makes me listen to." ... I'll tell you what. It is __ high praise / innit? This is ... / high praise is the word / my turn / loving the show / look at this, " ... makes me listen to the part she considers funny, funnier than Radio Brist__ / somewhat of a fan. This is ... huh ... / make her year if you are able to send / signed photograph." Well, I / bothered, to be honest. See, that's / of course I will / you can go "Nuh". / Yeah. / I don't ... why should I bother sending out a photograph to somewhat of a fan? / be honest / tell you what / somewhat of a photograph, shall I? How about that? Uh ... I just can't / another radio __ / someone else / she's been quite jealous since Richard O___ sent me an autograph a couple of years ago, and having your autograph would more than compensate. Hope you can help. / Well, unlucky Sue. Sorry. / picture of ___ H___ / cutout / I don't care about anything less than a fan / picture of Richard M__ / football / Williams / both, on their way, Sue.

something / look / papers, C___, what have you got? / Uh, well, I've got / Miller, and I'm looking at an advert for middle-aged men's trousers. / Any good? / Well, they're brown and they're c__y / and I like the look / them / they've got kind of, like / how old / you / before / get / I'm 45 now, and I / still don't even feel close to buying my clothes from the last four pages of the Daily Mirror. / No. Nor me either. / Do you know what I mean? / good question / should / point / at what age / look at / try those, you know / I'm not sure you will ever get that stage where you are buying ... / shirts that look like lumberjack___ shirts, single slippers ... / I won't buy single slipper. I don't believe ... / they're selling single slippers. / They sell single slippers / like, one slipper / lost a slipper / not one normal-sized slipper, you b___. / What do you mean "one big slipper"? / both feet in one big slipper / when you are watching television / people, when you watch / big slippers / there's a big slipper. You know, like / inventions magazine / What? Somebody's invented / Innovations magazine / one big / both feet into / a bit like / because / stand up and fall over immediately because you can't ... / you don't walk in it. It's like a dog basket. It's like a warm dog basket / under a dog, I suppose / I've got a dog / all right / you don't need / dog / I've never heard of a single slipper / puppy, you / get / I've never heard of a single slipper / Really? / Yeah. I'm gonna get one of those jackets / arms up. Let's get one of them / hasn't been invented yet / I'm gonna get / one of them / you can put your head in / metal plate / slide in / bottom / what's the point of that? / Well, what's the point of / one / Actually, good point. you could / normal / keep your feet warm / walk about / I take that point / feet / be separated / absurd. / It is. I think / now / why don't you / glue your own slippers together. Why not getting your own slippers, right, and / nail them to a piece of wood / plywood / that would do the trick / nail both your slippers / stick / your feet in them / here we are, instant one slipper. I've never / I don't think it exists. / Well, it does exist, but / to be honest / foolish / Anyway / supposed to be / you are dealing with questions / you are dealing with questions about old people's clothes / wasn't / news round-up / some / week's news / trousers / all right. Fair enough. / See? I'm not ready for that either. / No. Do you want a ... do you want a pagoda? / a pagoda / pacoda / I said p__ / I didn't mean to say / patio house / lost / garden / I've lost interest / play / a tune.

Here's my hero of the week / just launched a new feature / just for today only / __, Joseph Murphy rode to / rescue of / a cat stuck on top of / about / on facebook / he was at home / jumped on his bike .... would you do this? Pedalled five miles ... / Huh huh / to get the cat down off the roof / unemployed 25-year-old climbed up and shimmied__ along the peak of the roof / called mizzy, to come to him / "Pretty girl." / It's an unusual call / unusual call, but he got the cat down / you did / impression of him, or / would have done / in that way / Is that / how you imagine he said it / a bit / odd call / was / home / stuck on top of a roof, right? / my bike / cycled five miles / yeah / to be honest / my bike / two punctures I couldn't be bothered to fix / skills then? / he's got the skills / OK / he's got the skills / he's unemployed / somebody give this man a job / get up and go / he's got invention / he's kind / authenticity / integrity / he's got integrity / the cat back to / have that / finders are keepers / somebody give this man a job. He's got real initiative, get up and go / right / Lincolnshire. Uh / cat down / calls / "Pretty girl" / I'd have gone / I would have gone "kitty kitty kitty kitty / puss, puss, puss, puss / pretty girl / pretty girl / true / compliments / compliments / said, "It happened really quickly / just shows / still some genuine people out there / go / hero of the week, __ Joseph / I think he's my hero of the week as well / of course / separate hero of the week / with it / you could do actually / you could / actually / I'll decide which one / got one / you / no / mine / for this weekend / yeah, yeah

"Is this the oldest working fridge in Wales?", asks, uh, a newspaper this week / from, uh, / quite work it out. It's a local paper, local paper / Monday / 28th of October / look at that / fridge / says / ___ council to find the / county / appeal / county B___'s oldest fridge / Huh huh. / too much time / hands / 1950's classic. Look at that. There it is. / __ Liverpool refridgerator, affectionately known by her owners as Big B___ / big fridge / is believed to be 59 years old / outstanding candidates for this year's old fridge competition." / Right. / yeah / I wasn't aware there was an old fridge competition. / yeah. There is / C___ council / a bit of / purpose to it. It's not just ... it's not just a council sitting there going / either fill / potholes and put / planning. ... Or "Eh, / I've got an idea / competition, everyone / yeah, that, or / cheese festival / no / well, C___ council / oldest fridge is to be / the person with the oldest fridge / be given a brand-new, top-of-the-range, energy-and-money saving fridge-freezer as part of the Council's initiative to encourage residence to be more energy-efficient / OK / realize / kind of c___ really / Yeah. / they go "Hey, everyone / bannars up / baloons / I've got an old fridge / Big B__ / retro fridge / isn't she lovely / everyone / down the skip / yeah / get out / mate / brand-new 2013, hot-point / 99 pounds / 99 / with ice-cube tray / what about / wouldn't they? / yeah / just pick it up / strap it / the back of a lorry / yeah / Mrs. J., 42, said / this is her fridge / Big __ is a bit of a retro / quite sought after if you look online / well / competition / I'm afraid, is gone, replaced by some, uh / slimline ... / energy-efficient / plus plus plus / Hey, talking of fridges, did you see this in the paper? Did you see this? / I don't know / did you see this? / what is it? / storing veg ... / yeah? / in your fridge / quot__ here / can take away the goodness. Experts say, fruit and vegitables are alive ... / Yeah? / even after they've been picked or dug up / OK / so, you dig up potato or you pick a ... an apple / Yeah / for the sake of argument / still alive / right word, is it? / inverted commas / in the newspaper / wrong word / they / aware of it / would you say / is a potato not alive? / a vegitable / in terms of its own consciousness. It's not alive / so, you wouldn't say plants are living things? / Yes, I would / you are on the ropes. You are on the ropes. Look at. Bang, bang, bang, bang / dead / watered it / dead / before / probably alive / weirdo / must be alive / a plant is a living thing / yeah / So, do you wanna / take / all back / start again. OK. / come / Experts say fruit and vegetables are alive ... " / nobody __ __ to that? / just checking / any objection / No, I've learned my lesson / Experts say fruit and vegetables are alive even / picked or dug up. This means / levels of light ... / Huh huh. / by proucing / different amounts of health-boosting chemicals / dug __ up / they are alive / full / throbbing with energy / full of vitamines / Right? "If day follows night / which it does / as in the wild, the amount of the compounds rises and falls / This makes sense, this makes sense / night / day / this is great / get to the point / artificial / put in the fridge with the constant light. / Yeah. But it isn't constant light / like / constant light / door / nobody's ever answered that. / Well, the people / designed the fride / answered that / No, they haven't / that can't be answered / the light goes off. / Oh yeah / easily proved / Yeah, if you trust the camera / talking about / your domestic fridge / right / they're talking / supermarket / under constant light / that's true. They / constant / supermarket / if you listen / if day follows night as in the wild / amount of goodness rises and falls / dark place / such as the fridge, or in __ constant / dark apart from when you open the door / yeah / either keep / dark / supermarket, which is / 24 hours a day, then the health-boosting chemicals never reach the same height, it says / right / Right? So, what we supposed to do / perhaps we should be storing / and fruits under light-dark cycles / timing when to cook and eat them / to enhance their health value / I'm starting to think / because / here's the deal, here's the deal with fruit and veg, I think / I buy you, you give me nutrients. I eat you, you give me  / that's the deal. / Yeah. Hang on / for goodness sake / look / not a pet / time / individual / for potato / on and off / starting to / a little bit high-maintenance / fruit and veg, aren't they? / yeah / all a bit too hard work / the deal is, I eat you, / trying to compete with / to sound like / live animals / like pets, to be honest / careful / look after / some kind of / elementary tamagocchi / that's exactly what they are.

that last link / Chris / highly educational piece of / fact-finding / wasn't it? / proper BBC / educate / things like that / hopefully / access to / entertaining / people have learnt something / while we are on the subject / work / Oh, great / is it important / know the answers / I just thought / in a mood / talking about fruit and vegetables / learned / fruits and vegetables are alive / but not listening / how / doesn't mean / exactly the same as / dog / potato / No. No, they haven't / eyes / necessarily / evolved like / falcons' eyes / trying / like ameba ... well, now they actually / potato / really simple eyes / just reflect light of things / live in the dark / pond / or potato eyes / hang on a minute, hang on a minute, hang on a minute / this is supposed to be quiz of the week / origin / bbc / just realize, within seconds / stop / potato eyes / ameba / question / potato / just / potatos aren't alive / no / maybe you should think again about potato's eyes / I'm not saying / rational / saying / do you accept that, if you are completely wrong about potatos being alive / yeah / question / you didn't / you said / not alive / I didn't do a misearable chimp impression. I retracted my statement. / you fell on to the intelectual ropes / accept you could be wrong / you might have underestimated / potato / absolutely / potato eyes, burning like fire / ameba eyes, how can you close and __ / What? ... Right. Quiz of the week / yeah / how many / ok, question 1: / how many eyes does a potato have? / depends / On? / On, ... uh ... how many little bits to their roots / trying to grow / Correct. / ok / Two: How far can a potato eye see? / They can't. / it has no letinas / might be wrong / can they actually see or not / grown man / internet / can / look up / check it out, will you? ... OK. Here we go. / thought / started / this is it / OK / again / potato quiz / 81 million results / do potato's eyes / actually see / how far can a pototo see / those / put / see what happens / say / they can see / can't / all right / can of / do I get options? Or do I have to guess? / multiple choice / just guess / OK. Uh ... once every three minutes / No. / do I have to get / more interesting feature if you do / ten minutes / no / or / once every  / Oh, closer / apparently / Wow. In / doesn't say. I presume so. / ok / Wow /  something / air / open / where? / Everywhere. / OK. / how many geese did he take? / Two. One under each arm / one / followed behind / OK. Three / no / one on his head / doesn't say the method / how / how many animals assisted the armed forces during the First World War? / 12 million / That is a good guess / Thanks / more than actual people who fought / fact / wrong / fact / don't know / like a fact / I feel like I know that / number / basically / except it's wrong / own fact / Right. / 16 million / really close / 4 million out / that close, really / it is / it's not, really / it depends / how many litres of water can you get / put / themselves / depends on / elephant is / how / more people / just the two of us, mate. / The way he's looking at me / you don't fancy it / pass me the water / destructive / OK, I rephrase it. How / own trunk? / Uh ... 50. / fact you know again? / no / 9 / Wow / you never get / baby elephant / overflow / after all / just / excess water / one of those hippos / much water / I think that's the problem

how many times around the world would a normal person walk / three / person / average / three / huh? / Three. / Yeah / wow / one / how can that be the funniest part of the / live on radio, ladies and gentlemen / mentioned it / got away with it / noise, so / got / the funniest ... I've never / one point / quiz of the week / and I snort / who'd have thought it? / who'd have thought it? / average / wow / nose / this / internal / together / what do you mean / got / outside my nose / pluck it now / what it means / your nostrils / does it include / means / I don't know / facial hair / on your face rather than / your nose / ok / new question / what amount of, ... in meters, / yeah / average person / life time / excluding facial hair. / yeah. OK. Uh ... four / Two. / Wow. / good guess though / probably / four nostrils / two nostrils / my next question / got that one / give me a ___ /

Hey, by the way, just to wrap up / quizz of the week / quizz / you scored one point / just / good / as a feature / keep that / note / all the other features / done today / fun, and it was educational / last week's feature was / does a toaster make / hello from Costa Rica / come to with regards / toaster / isn't / that's too industrial / Is it? / too f__ / here's somebody from Costa ___ / how a toaster sounds / this radio show, but / from Costa R___ / how / sound / maybe / sound differently in Costa R__ / do they have an accent? / my daughter / claims / Costa / noise / bring your sound / own vocalization, your own accent to that / wouldn't you / yeah / hard / neutral toaster / exactly / esperanto toaster / toaster goes / I don't know where / from / do my own / my daughter constantly claims / impossible scinario / tell you tell you what I / do / try / do / pretend / young girl / toaster goes / claims / I vaguely remember / great feature. I'm thinking / material / somebody ... somebody in Costa Ri__ / pretending / I agree / yeah / Rhod's Coffee Morning / feature / toaster / all week. In F___, Australia / my daughter / another daughter again / got / otherwise / daughter / sound different. It's more of a ___ sound down here / bigger / something / How wierd is that? / regional / isn't that strange? / Amazing / material, you know / people / entertaining / 50% educational / rubbish as well / achievement / keep up / P.S. / pretty competitive to get in the podcast / very / best / bits

If you enjoyed that, why / rhod / BBC Radio Wales 11 till 1.